I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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