I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
