dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
