GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
