you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
