I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
