Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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