Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
