do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
