Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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