He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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