i think i have herpe
just one?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
