terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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