The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
