Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
