you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
