dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He better not be in your backpack
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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