i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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