he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
