dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
