never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
