I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
