If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
