I'm going to jail i love you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
