Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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