Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
