chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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