i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
