so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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