I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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