Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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