Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
