Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
