i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
