the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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