As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is Oprah even human
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
