that's an acceptable place to lick
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
