I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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