Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
