Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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