I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
