whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
