Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
