I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
