Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
