My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
