Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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