I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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