Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
