This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
