apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
