You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm at about main and main street
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
