Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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