you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
